Dear Pilot Light,
Thank you so much for trying to conserve energy in my home by shutting yourself off 5 or more times each day! I sincerely appreciate your effort to make sure that my showers are extra-invigorating and that my dishes are only sorta clean after I finish washing them in ice cold water. What's more, I love what you've done with your corne of the laundry closet! That brown recluse living right underneath your thermocouple really knows how to jump-start my day. And thank you for encouraging the water heater to slightly leak all over the damn place.
Please let me know if the scorch marks all around your panel are something to be concerned about!
Keep up the good work!
Yours sincerely,
Sarah

RETREAT - ATTACK